Contributing factors, if not excuses.

Hello non-existent readers!

I bet you’re wondering just about anything other than “hmm… where has geek gone with his eternal wit, charm and humor?”  But I’ll enlighten you anyway.  School.  School is where I’ve been.  6 hours of work then 6 hours of classes.  Exercise my body in the morning, do homework from 10 to 12.  Viva la vida.

Pretty cramped schedule, and you must assume that I hate it.  If you decided to assume anything.  The thing is, I don’t.  I just about went crazier than a shithouse rat yesterday, playing world of warcraft and having nothing to do.  I was excited to actually come into work today, even if my enthusiasm for class tonight (health) may be lacking.

Over the past two weeks I’ve been limiting my smoking for that class.  Made a cute lil contract and everything.  3 a day the first week, then 2 a day last week, now 1 a day.  And I could go crazy with a hatchet as tense as I feel.  I’m drinking my recovery drink out of a measuring cup.  A large one.  Picture below.

I haven’t written a damn thing, and with the onset of valentine’s day, I’m so lonely and pissy I could scream.  Class takes up a lot of the spare time, but I should really focus.  Except I can’t focus, thanks to nicotene withdrawl.  The Cat, and my new friend both don’t talk to me no more.  Maybe casual interaction, but as ever they have better things to do.  Makes you want to scream more.  And I think I pissed off hippy too.  It’s maybe not the best thing in the world, but I am so beat at the end of the day I don’t exactly feel like shooting pool until 1am every weekend.  The bills are getting paid, but dammit, I’m tired of doing this all alone.

 

End ramble.

Here’s a picture.

Yes to the obliques.

I was right, they are definitively getting there.  I’m happy.  Be warned, this is yet another rambling entry.

I’ve come up with an idea for calming myself down.  I’ve started doing the cliche-but-effective process of taking five deep breaths before I get myself too worked up.  Also, when I’m listening to the kind of music I grew up to, IE punk, I drive fast, drink way too much redbull and smoke way too many cigarettes.  I think if I keep only my most mellow music on my ipod, I may be able to keep my BP and heart rate down.

I signed my health contract to quit smoking and it’s driving me batshit.  I took 4 hours to write this, because I forgot about it.  I hate fast food.  That is all. ❤

 

Geek commences the Semester.

Got up, worked out, showered, went to work, went and blew 600 on books, drove to school, studied, 3 hour health class, picked up pizza, got home.

What a kick.  I’m exausted.  Thinking I might have to increase weight for my workout however… for good.  Only going up.  10 to 15 lbs I think.  Livescribe pen worked wonders for recording my lecture and the corresponding notes.  Can’t help but feel like days are going to rush by this semester however. I’m drained.  Maybe that will change when my parents are around to… parent the siblings.

Can’t wait to go south. Or south west.  I need to get out of here. Until then, this Health class might actually help me quit smoking, and I have an Associates to get and bills to pay off.

A means to an end.  God be with me.

Honky Tonk Women Give Me The Honky Tonk Blues!

This post will consist of mostly gibberish, as I just got back into the swing of my workout and fucking a is Sculpt 3-4 more intesnse!  But it’s the good kind of kick in the ass!  I’m acting like a freaking crack head and I’ll crash hard but that don’t matter!  I got 3,000 more words to write on my manuscript!

I always felt like Larry Underwood.   “You ain’t no nice guy, Larry!”  rings through his head the whole fucking duration of The Stand.  And he tries.  He fucking tries and it doesn’t seem to help him.  But he gets it in the end.

I’m nearing the end of being Larry Underwood.  I’m a good guy.  I’m the fucking hired gun on the side of the angels.  Hubris?  Maybe.  But I’m quiet, no matter how good I feel.  One day I’ll marry a woman who lets me know I’m a good guy even when I feel like the devil himself.

I just jumped from The Stones to Lily Fucking Allen.  What the fuck?!

 

The Geek is back. Sorta.

4 days left until the party.

And I began week 5 of Power 90 after a week long hiatus.  Upped the actual workout from level 1-2 to level 3-4, and there was definitely a difference.  I was sweating like a pig, but part of that was a week of sitting behind a keyboard when I should have been lifting.  Lazy little bitch that I am.  I may post pictures after I hit the end of my 7 week midterm thing here.

Got a letter, on the Dean’s List of my college.  Woot.  I think?

Something feels like it’s swelling fit to burst, and it might just blow open on Friday the 13th.  I don’t really know what to think.  I’m bettering my physical body with workouts and avoided fast food joints unless I’m on the road and far away.  My mind is swimming with stories I read and blogs I follow and the book I’m trying to write.  I’m cutting through progress like a hot knife through butter.  But I wonder when my heart will bother to catch up.

It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled and all that jazz.

11 hours on my feet, Cowboys and Keyboards.

Well my other ear blew out during the witching hour last night.  I literally flew up chest first with a gasp, woken up by the pain.  I staggered to the bathroom and then downstairs to take an unholy amount of painkillers and a glass of water.  Something odd happened.  All three cats in the house followed me downstairs in a straight line, and then meowed together to be let outside.  I opened the door and they proceeded without the least bit of their usual hesitation.  Probably means nothing, but it was still weird as hell.

I got 4o00 words added to Frosty-A-Go-Go last night.  I was on a chaotic streak that only stopped when the clock hit 10 and I knew that I had to get up to work this 11 hour shift today.  That being over and done with, I am dog tired, in need of meds, and watching Cowboys and Aliens of all things.  I’m not sure if my IQ is dropping because of this, but it certainly may be.

Too damn tired to think straight.  Short entry.  20,000 words total in the manuscript by tomorrow night.  =]

Flash flood Hike.

Transcript of a true story I was asked to relate earlier today.

[4:59:50 PM] X: yooou shooould

[4:59:54 PM] X: tell me a story

[4:59:57 PM] X: about yourself
[5:00:42 PM] Geek: What kind of story??
[5:01:00 PM] X: something that you think illustrates your character
[5:01:20 PM] Geek: Doesn’t that constitute bragging? Bahahaha!
[5:01:32 PM] X: not in this case
[5:01:34 PM] X: I asked
[5:01:37 PM] X: go go go
[5:02:01 PM] Geek: Hmm…

[5:03:18 PM] Geek: Well there was this time I was hiking with B, my brother, and S.

[5:05:08 PM] Geek: So the three of us go out to the place called Hi Tor around here, even though a huge storm had just rolled through. It was still drizzling slightly the whole time up the mountain so we had focused on trying to keep warm and having fun. B was a little bitchy but I had my blood pumping so I was all “comeoncomeoncomeon let’s go!”

[5:08:08 PM] Geek: So we get to the top of the mountain and get to the part where the deer path leads down to the river that cuts through it to hike back down that way. We start going down, trying to keep as dry as possible, I gave B my shirt to wrap his camera in because he’s taking pictures as per usual. Everything else electronic we were dumb enough to bring I wrapped in my jacket and tucked it into my satchel. The water level is up but not exactly raging.

[5:09:55 PM] Geek: B wants to get home already so he’s on point. I’m behind him and S has the rear. We get to a small drop off about three feet or so down. it’s about four or five feet over to the nearest shale ledge (we’d been using the ledges to stay out of the actual river bed, again, dry as possible) B hands me his camera and drops down to get to the ledge.

[5:11:48 PM] Geek: A rock hits his foot, then another. He looks back expecting to be pissed off at one of us for chucking stuff at him. But that’s not the case. I look back and we’ve got stones and branches and all sorts of shit barelling down a flash flood from the storm that had just passed.

[5:13:48 PM] Geek: I immediately turn to set B’s camera on the ledge closest to me, but S is already shooting past me to grab B and pull him up. The water, which had been about a foot below us from our ledge, is rising quickly and starting to splash onto where we are standing. I told them the only thing that made sense. “Up.”

[5:17:02 PM] Geek: S got up first, I handed B his camera and he went up next. The wall we climbed was pure shale with the occasional root or deadfall in the way. The incline was around 30 – 45 degrees and we had no other way to go. We’d have fallen down going up or down the river. I made sure the others got up and then followed suit.

[5:21:08 PM] Geek: It was slow work getting up the wall, and keeping our footing. I made sure everyone broke into different directions so that people didn’t drop rocks on each others heads in the ascent. B broke far right to a rope that was left behind by other hikers ages ago doing God knows what. He ended up getting to it, gathering the rope and keeping it as a good luck charm. S went center and ended up catching onto deadfalls and such to get up. He slipped once and I thought for sure he was going to tumble, but he was second one up. I made it up third. got to the top just below a tree that was jutting out and pulled myself up vertically the last few feet.

[5:22:56 PM] Geek: We were fucking manic when we got to the top. S and I lit a couple of my “cowboy killers” as he so affectionately calls Marb reds. B took a group picture. It was one of the best days of that whole summer. We cheated death and worked as a team. I like being the first one into the situation and last one out. But it turns out the lot of us were more than capable of not getting killed by mother nature. =]

Geek embraces the city (3)

Escaped to Blo once more yesterday.  Party being thrown by my good friend, the same host as before.  In my book I call a character based off of him William.  Well Willy here throws a party and I come up to the city monday night.  I picked up the Cat and we proceeded to an earlier dinner invitation with Willy and three others at  his place.

As others started slowly trickling in I proceeded to get shit-faced beyond all recognition.  I don’t know why especially.  I don’t hardly drink anymore but me and another guy got two others to play us at beer pong and then I forgot how much whiskey goes into a glass and the equivalence of 8 shots later I was praying to the porcelain God.

It was a stupid thing to do, because I lost sight of those I was with.  Willy was playing host, The Cat was dancing around as she does and I puked my brains out through my stomach before midnight.  I met a few people I hadn’t seen in ages and they left before I could compose myself.  That was no good.  A couple of them were girls from high school that I used to be very close to, and it was a shame they saw me for the first time in ages as such a mess.

By midnight, with the help of vomiting constantly, sipping water and munching bread I was sober again.  A rather fascinating transition.  There were people who got tanked and were gone the whole night.  It almost feels like I willed myself into coherent thought.  Like something inside my head screamed for me to wake up and come back.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy having a couple drinks, but it’s that big brother complex, you know?

The folks here at work say the night was a failure because I didn’t hook up with some random broad.  I don’t know, but I’ve never been good with the whole “fuck and flee” mentality.  It’s sickening to think about.  There was so much going on, I love the kids there so much but I’d love them to use their brains as opposed to their genitals every once and a while.  Willy, One of the Kapi twins and I ended up driving people home, talking things out and taking care of people in perfect harmony.  It’s funny. One minute I’m mindlessly hammered and the next I’m giving rides home.

I think it’s okay to do that though.  It’s okay to have a little to drink but stay sober enough to watch out for people.  I didn’t hook up, I didn’t fuck off, I didn’t fight.  I’m okay with that.  I would like to have someone to hold my hand at least.  Give me a hug or fall asleep with me.  Appearently that’s very “gay” of me if the workplace is to be believed, but to hell with them.

Got up, Got Denny’s with Willy.  It was a good night and the morning wasn’t bad either.  Donnie Darko now.  ❤

Christmas Eve!

Christmas is in 9 minutes.  I’m tired as hell man.  Don’t expect an elaborate post!

Merry Christmas!

❤ GEEK

How do I love my friends?

This is a bit of a three part celebration for me this holiday season.  Yes, I am alone.  I have no baby to call my own or visit on Christmas which is odd.  Haven’t been single so long in a while.  Can’t remember the last time I didn’t have someone to call on Christmas.  But in a way it’s still so beautiful.

Christmas Eve!  I’m sure I’ll be excited for the following morning, but I’m going to collapse into bed without that childish butterfly feeling.  I’m going to be well drained and hit the sack early.  I get to go to a Christmas eve service at Our Lady Of The Lakes.  My religion means so much to me, and on this most sacred of occasions I’m more than happy to attend an over-crowded mass full of Christers and regulars alike.  Maybe one day I’ll have someone to take to midnight mass with me.

Christmas Day!  It isn’t presents I’m excited about.  I asked for a few Stephen King Novels that I haven’t yet acquired but not much else.  I like being productive.  Little distractions are nice but I love the feeling of Family the most.  I like us all being so close and kind to each other.  I’ll settle down with one of my books and doze through the day helping my sister with this and that or entertaining my numerous younger brothers.  I pray one day I’ll build a family like that.

The Twenty Sixth and CP ’11!  I get up, work out, go to work, dress up and drive to Buffalo for a party.  This unique aspect may just be my favorite.  I don’t hate anyone anymore.  I have no one to fight and nothing to quarrel about.  I convinced members of my senior class counsel to come out when they initially replied with a simple “maybe”.  I’ve always loved those girls as my friends though we were never particularly close outside of school.  It’s not romantic, it’s just comfortable to know these are the people I graduated with.  We faced the world together and soon we’ll be out of this chaotic limbo and starting real lives with kids and families and houses and pets and jobs and responsibilities.  I love the very concept and I love the fact we’ll reunite under The Angel Faced Boy’s roof.

All three days are like the ghosts in a Christmas Carol.  Past, Present and Future.  May it be lovely in each regard.  Merry Christmas, Reader.

-Geek