Hungover and unmotivated.

I have a full body hangover.  It ain’t my stomach or my head so much as my whole body.  The Power 90 has taken a toll on my shoulders and back and I’m feeling it alright.  I’m not really excited at the prospect of working out today. I never sleep in, and even more rarely do I not get up until 1pm.

I’m not being pissy.  I have people left and right telling me I’m being an ass right now when they want to get in my fucking face and complain about everything under the sun like it’s my fault. Insecurities and poor observations are not my fault.

Last night was fun though.  My best friend from Buffalo came down with his friend (V.) and Hippy joined us as well.  We sat around and played a friendly game of poker until midnight and then me and V. chatted well into the morning. It’s amazing when you meet someone with some commonsense in the world.  I swear I usually think the universe is just sucking the life and intelligence out of everyone and they let it.  It’s like some kind of weird cosmic mind control that only a few are privy to.

I’d like to say more, but I have to work out, shower, and write. I think the shower is the key component here. Happy New Years everyone!  Hope you feel better than this!

Lisbeth Salander: Best Protagonist of 2011

Just got back from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo up at the local cinema.  I own the Swedish versions of the film and adored the way they were shot immensely.  Of course the only way to get the full force of The Millennium Trilogy is to read the damn books.

I picked up the The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo this summer while I was taking a brief vacation in the Adirondacks.  I’m not usually paying the most attention to what’s on the best sellers lists however this title kept popping up in the oddest places.  I think what interested me the most when reading the back cover was mention of a “Tattooed Punk Prodigy”.

Having been a punk kid myself in High School, I was skeptical as to their literary depiction.  How wrong I was.  Larsson nailed the appropriate mentality of someone who acts as they should.  Little regard for rules, high regard for personal beliefs.

Lisbeth Salander as a character in film or literature is enchanting beyond all stretches of the imagination.  I’m so damn exhausted from getting screamed at I can’t really elaborate too well.  She’s vicious.  She takes matters into her own hands and she does so with a kind of unintentional flare and practicality that makes me wish I could be as strong despite laws and regulations that I adhere to with quiet complacency.

Read the books.  God love Salander.

A tip of the hat to a fellow blogger and Dead Space.

So I should have gotten much more done today, instead I got out of work, worked out, showered and played Dead Space.  Dead space is a third person shooter/survival horror game that came out in ’08.  Scifi Zombies in space that you have to fucking dismember to stop.  And yes, as a difficult of a concept as it is, The Geek occasionally games.  I have a tenancy to get sucked into a good story however, so I try to keep them at arms length.

It’s like being high or drunk out of my mind for a day.  I’ve tried it, and it ends with me feeling like I am just another person.  No potential for anything when yer staring at a screen all day.  Regardless… You gotta relax sometime?  But I should have been relaxing with a book or my book.  A little mindless violence never hurt any- waitaminute… nevermind.

Gotta say, Miss Jorah Day is the first person who gave enough of a damn to leave some feedback!  I greatly appreciate that, especially the “noir” comment.  I’ve always loved that type of narration/film style.  Jorah speaks with a kind of Brazen honesty that is refreshing.  Yeah, there are plenty of blogs out there with useful information and steady subjects.  Some of us just need to vent however.  We have to get our thoughts out in text when we can’t really say anything.

Check out her site.  =]

http://diaryofadyinggirl.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Geek embraces the city (3)

Escaped to Blo once more yesterday.  Party being thrown by my good friend, the same host as before.  In my book I call a character based off of him William.  Well Willy here throws a party and I come up to the city monday night.  I picked up the Cat and we proceeded to an earlier dinner invitation with Willy and three others at  his place.

As others started slowly trickling in I proceeded to get shit-faced beyond all recognition.  I don’t know why especially.  I don’t hardly drink anymore but me and another guy got two others to play us at beer pong and then I forgot how much whiskey goes into a glass and the equivalence of 8 shots later I was praying to the porcelain God.

It was a stupid thing to do, because I lost sight of those I was with.  Willy was playing host, The Cat was dancing around as she does and I puked my brains out through my stomach before midnight.  I met a few people I hadn’t seen in ages and they left before I could compose myself.  That was no good.  A couple of them were girls from high school that I used to be very close to, and it was a shame they saw me for the first time in ages as such a mess.

By midnight, with the help of vomiting constantly, sipping water and munching bread I was sober again.  A rather fascinating transition.  There were people who got tanked and were gone the whole night.  It almost feels like I willed myself into coherent thought.  Like something inside my head screamed for me to wake up and come back.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy having a couple drinks, but it’s that big brother complex, you know?

The folks here at work say the night was a failure because I didn’t hook up with some random broad.  I don’t know, but I’ve never been good with the whole “fuck and flee” mentality.  It’s sickening to think about.  There was so much going on, I love the kids there so much but I’d love them to use their brains as opposed to their genitals every once and a while.  Willy, One of the Kapi twins and I ended up driving people home, talking things out and taking care of people in perfect harmony.  It’s funny. One minute I’m mindlessly hammered and the next I’m giving rides home.

I think it’s okay to do that though.  It’s okay to have a little to drink but stay sober enough to watch out for people.  I didn’t hook up, I didn’t fuck off, I didn’t fight.  I’m okay with that.  I would like to have someone to hold my hand at least.  Give me a hug or fall asleep with me.  Appearently that’s very “gay” of me if the workplace is to be believed, but to hell with them.

Got up, Got Denny’s with Willy.  It was a good night and the morning wasn’t bad either.  Donnie Darko now.  ❤

Christmas Livescribe post!

The picture says it all! =D Adios!

Christmas Eve!

Christmas is in 9 minutes.  I’m tired as hell man.  Don’t expect an elaborate post!

Merry Christmas!

❤ GEEK

How do I love my friends?

This is a bit of a three part celebration for me this holiday season.  Yes, I am alone.  I have no baby to call my own or visit on Christmas which is odd.  Haven’t been single so long in a while.  Can’t remember the last time I didn’t have someone to call on Christmas.  But in a way it’s still so beautiful.

Christmas Eve!  I’m sure I’ll be excited for the following morning, but I’m going to collapse into bed without that childish butterfly feeling.  I’m going to be well drained and hit the sack early.  I get to go to a Christmas eve service at Our Lady Of The Lakes.  My religion means so much to me, and on this most sacred of occasions I’m more than happy to attend an over-crowded mass full of Christers and regulars alike.  Maybe one day I’ll have someone to take to midnight mass with me.

Christmas Day!  It isn’t presents I’m excited about.  I asked for a few Stephen King Novels that I haven’t yet acquired but not much else.  I like being productive.  Little distractions are nice but I love the feeling of Family the most.  I like us all being so close and kind to each other.  I’ll settle down with one of my books and doze through the day helping my sister with this and that or entertaining my numerous younger brothers.  I pray one day I’ll build a family like that.

The Twenty Sixth and CP ’11!  I get up, work out, go to work, dress up and drive to Buffalo for a party.  This unique aspect may just be my favorite.  I don’t hate anyone anymore.  I have no one to fight and nothing to quarrel about.  I convinced members of my senior class counsel to come out when they initially replied with a simple “maybe”.  I’ve always loved those girls as my friends though we were never particularly close outside of school.  It’s not romantic, it’s just comfortable to know these are the people I graduated with.  We faced the world together and soon we’ll be out of this chaotic limbo and starting real lives with kids and families and houses and pets and jobs and responsibilities.  I love the very concept and I love the fact we’ll reunite under The Angel Faced Boy’s roof.

All three days are like the ghosts in a Christmas Carol.  Past, Present and Future.  May it be lovely in each regard.  Merry Christmas, Reader.

-Geek

Quiet House

The Victorian is unnaturally silent.  My brothers and sister and parents spread to the four corners of the earth at least for a little while.  It’s nice to be able to think without hearing anything but the cars going by outside.  I slept in a little later due to a back ache, OD’d on Excedrin and then worked out when I got home instead.  Lightened the weights up again from 15lbs to 10lbs.  Stepped out of the shower into quiet.

But I don’t want this quiet all by itself.  I want to hear a voice humming or hear the breathing of another being.  We don’t have to be in each other’s business, I just like the company.  I’d like some company that’s not blood.  Blood synergizes with itself.  Families co-exist because they are on that same frequency.  I want to coexist with people that are like blood, but have their own wavelengths.  Particular vibrations that fill a room as they walk in, or echo silently through the house as they move from room to room like Ghosts.

I finished the first chapter of Frosty-A-Go-Go.  Hopefully I’ll get more done or edit the old stuff, but right now… right now I want to go for a drive, smoke a cigarette and plug into the music.

Melting into Bass.

Not melting down, mind you.  Just melting.  The whole “butter spread over too much bread” thing.  I’m going to return to Buffalo for a party on the 26th, and hopefully it goes as well as it did last time.  The party being thrown is formal, so I’m thinking a top hat and eye makeup a la clockwork orange are in order here.  Should have enough of a shock value, and it will highlight my eyes when they get wild.

I have to write more of my story.  But I’m just so damn beat.  Not really understanding why though.  I got a full night’s sleep.  I think I’m becoming absorbed by fucking dubstep.  Everyday I go and find more remixes to work to and workout to.  I have to get them on my ipod somehow, then I’ll just be totally Gonnneeee.  All the time. I get so sucked into the music it just flows through me into Frosty-A-Go-Go.  Maybe I can’t dance so well, but I can write into forever on this stuff.  It’s plugging me in and firing me up.

I must go!  My writing needs me!  =]]

Old friends and development.

Saw an old friend tonight.  It’s funny how you can talk to someone you haven’t really hung out with regularly for half a decade and yet tell them deeper things then you tell the best buddy you see everyday.  I appreciated the time spent with that person.  It wasn’t just me spilling my guts on the dashboard for dual analysis, but her as well.  It’s interesting how presenting those kinds of things in front of those who once meant much but now mean comparatively little can help you get it out.  Punched the dashboard.  Threw my keys.  Hit the steering wheel.  I never show frustration like that anymore.  It was a poor lapse in composure, but I don’t think she minded as much.  I just hope I didn’t spook her.

Upped the weights I use on “Sculpt” days from 10lb to 15lb.  It’s not much of an improvement compared to all the other guys who played sports in high school, but it’s an improvement none-the-less.  I keep getting the feeling my chest is growing from the inside, as if a constant reverberation is  slowly excreting muscles to widen my pectoral muscles and shoulders.  The work-outs get me high and I love it.

It’s possibly the best part of my day when I strip off my sweat soaked clothes and step into the hot jet of the shower.  At that point I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and only aching muscles to bother me.  I admire my body’s improvements in the steamy haze like a narcissist.  I get to know the particulars of each pain, and lay out what little more I have to do.  I just wish I could sleep right.  Each