Posts Tagged ‘FLCC’

Hello non-existent readers!

I bet you’re wondering just about anything other than “hmm… where has geek gone with his eternal wit, charm and humor?”  But I’ll enlighten you anyway.  School.  School is where I’ve been.  6 hours of work then 6 hours of classes.  Exercise my body in the morning, do homework from 10 to 12.  Viva la vida.

Pretty cramped schedule, and you must assume that I hate it.  If you decided to assume anything.  The thing is, I don’t.  I just about went crazier than a shithouse rat yesterday, playing world of warcraft and having nothing to do.  I was excited to actually come into work today, even if my enthusiasm for class tonight (health) may be lacking.

Over the past two weeks I’ve been limiting my smoking for that class.  Made a cute lil contract and everything.  3 a day the first week, then 2 a day last week, now 1 a day.  And I could go crazy with a hatchet as tense as I feel.  I’m drinking my recovery drink out of a measuring cup.  A large one.  Picture below.

I haven’t written a damn thing, and with the onset of valentine’s day, I’m so lonely and pissy I could scream.  Class takes up a lot of the spare time, but I should really focus.  Except I can’t focus, thanks to nicotene withdrawl.  The Cat, and my new friend both don’t talk to me no more.  Maybe casual interaction, but as ever they have better things to do.  Makes you want to scream more.  And I think I pissed off hippy too.  It’s maybe not the best thing in the world, but I am so beat at the end of the day I don’t exactly feel like shooting pool until 1am every weekend.  The bills are getting paid, but dammit, I’m tired of doing this all alone.

 

End ramble.

Here’s a picture.

A shadow over Geeks-mouth.

Posted: January 27, 2012 in Education, On Geek
Tags: , , ,

Okay, lame title.  But I’m alive!  And listening to my favorite story in the entire Lovecraft Mythos, The Shadow over Innsmouth.  It’s a fascinating story about a city by the sea swarmed with people who are half man, half something else.  Definitely look it up if you get the chance.

So my story is at a standstill right now due to the classload I’ve taken on.  Yes, it’s a lot for me it at least (18 credit hours) but my work and exercise regiments haven’t suffered, despite my lack of sleep.  Fridays I have off, and that’s good.  Takes a little stress off.  I’ll flip on my story and do the week’s homework I suppose.

Anthropology is fascinating, a field I’d really like to delve deeper in to.  Family Court on the other hand, is taught by a gentleman who thinks that we’re all in 6th grade. I got the “We’re adults now”  Speech and given a contract to sign and he hands us note pages with blanks to fill out.  I should probably say something about that.  Western Civilization is a little annoying, because it’s so dry, but the livescribe pen picks it up alright.  Public Speaking is awkward, but I suppose the skill will be useful.  Philosophy of Criminal investigation… well I hope it picks up.

My posts might be a little delayed, but no one really reads this anyway!

Got up, worked out, showered, went to work, went and blew 600 on books, drove to school, studied, 3 hour health class, picked up pizza, got home.

What a kick.  I’m exausted.  Thinking I might have to increase weight for my workout however… for good.  Only going up.  10 to 15 lbs I think.  Livescribe pen worked wonders for recording my lecture and the corresponding notes.  Can’t help but feel like days are going to rush by this semester however. I’m drained.  Maybe that will change when my parents are around to… parent the siblings.

Can’t wait to go south. Or south west.  I need to get out of here. Until then, this Health class might actually help me quit smoking, and I have an Associates to get and bills to pay off.

A means to an end.  God be with me.

Scientific? Logical?

Posted: December 19, 2011 in Friends
Tags: , , , , ,

“The Scientist” Cover by Willy Nelson.

A friend of mine once said very long ago that the song “The Scientist” by Coldplay reminded her of me.  I wonder how true that is.  I guess I’m logical, but my heart always beats harder than my mind can process.  I’m not really as much of a cold bastard as some of my old friends would say I am.  I’m supposedly selfish and self-serving. But I don’t know if I am or not.  I try to think of myself as a good guy.  But every chance I get to advance myself is met with hostility, never encouragement by these people.

I guess that means I’m moving out.  We were so close in High School, and only one of them seems to care anymore.  It’s all about the needs of them, and never mine.  This would be a selfish thing to say if it weren’t for the fact I’ve always done what they asked and helped them when they needed it.  It seems we’ve broken away save for the Exception.  He’s trying to advance too.  Trying to make something of himself.  He’s my boy, as I kept saying the other night.  I’m tired of being made to feel guilty for going my own way.

Maybe it’s not my City of Ice that’s sick.  Maybe it’s the city’s occupants.  Maybe I need to change the scenery myself, and shy away.  Maybe I need to get out of here and salvage what’s left of my own little family. Those who are worth having.  Guessing at numbers and figures here, aren’t I?  Time to write.  Goodnight, whoever you are.

So we wrote you a motivational blog, during the time yer supposed to motivate yourself with resolutions so you can motivate yourself to be motivated while everyone else is motivated!

 

Do I really need to have a resolution?  The workout’s getting there, I’ve gotten a series of final grades that look like specifically A’s and B’s and the others are going to fall in line soon enough.  Maybe I should resolve not to be such a slob. The car and the room are both in dire need of purging with acid.

I’ve yet to do my workout today, and it’s a “sculpt” day.  Maybe that’s why I’m feeling a little low.  I don’t really know though.  I think I’ll put up some books for sale on Amazon now that my courses are done, and hopefully I can get the 27th off of work to go on a short trip with my brother, Ben.  He’s a PFC in the Army, currently learning to be a combat photographer.  I joke around with him, saying I’d prefer to have a rifle in a combat zone rather than a camera but hey!  It’s his life man.

I hope I feel better after some intense sweating and a shower, and maybe if I quit smoking, I’d feel even better!  Damn you, Marlboro Man.

 

Finals Week

Posted: December 13, 2011 in On Geek
Tags: , , ,

Ha!  That last post got inquiring minds to piss off.  It’s not a soap opera, kiddies.

My entire set of core muscles feels beaten up.  Like they do when someone’s sick.  I took something for it finally, but the morning should get rid of the majority of it I hope.  Just handed in my essay on Prostitution charges and took the final for Criminal Law.  I’m going to miss that professor, but he’s got other stuff to do anyway.  Students will come and go and 66 percent will still drop out.  I’ve got to finish my essay on A Doll’s House next.  Minecraft must move over.  Then no more worries until Sociology Final on Thursday.  No work this weekend and nothing to do except wait.

No more worries?  At least with school.  This blog is great for the motivation I’m looking for.  Hell, hopefully I’ll be able to let you know how quitting smoking is going soon.  But it’s creeping in on me more and more every day.  This isn’t just a finals week, it could be the final week.  If Doc never speaks to me again, I won’t blame her.  I don’t deserve a girl of her magnitude and I never did.  I just hope I can’t hurt her anymore.

That’s all I do in relationships.  We have fun and then I end it all with a series of Jackass Selfish Strokes, like a dull serrated edge of a knife grinding through her will to live.  I’m not ready for a relationship because I’m too damn selfish.  I mess everything up so bad, and I can deal with the  pain I cause on myself, or the hurt I’m feeling with stupid workouts and desperate tappings at a keyboard and a pack of smokes over a week.  But I can’t deal with what I did to her.  It hurts me to know I will never get how much I hurt her.  Sorry just isn’t enough.

CCR and this essay, then I’ll just sleep, rinse lather and repeat.

I go from one or two views a day to twenty five.  I suppose that has to do with a dirty secret coming out into the light.  I’m not proud of what I did, alright?  Though there is something very American about a confession summoning so many viewers like flies to shit.  If yer happy, that’s fine but the blog wasn’t written for you guys primarily.

I wrote this to motivate myself.  To say in writing what I don’t have the balls to vocalize.  It’s kind of helped too. I almost didn’t work out today, and then thought of the results I want to be able to post.  So I got it done.  I felt great, but that sank quickly after the realization that I am still in deep emotional turmoil and the fact that I had a three hour review course for introductory CJ material.  The blog helps keep me going.

I went to work, I aced a Literary Final, I designed a Minecraft Character Skin, I got a couple horror movies, I went to class again.  The shit keeps on rolling forward.  I still got to pay bills. I still have to Christmas shop. The slutty chicks are still gonna be progressively picked off throughout this film.  And I still fucked up.  Move on, outside observer.