Posts Tagged ‘Ramble’

I have a friend who turned 22 today.  We used to be more than friends, but I effectively blew that out of the water a little over nine months ago.  She’s out with her friends tonight, and having fun celebrating.  I’m happy for her, but I miss her something terrible, to tell you the truth.  Wish I could be there with her today, but I’m not.

Instead, I’m adjusting to my increased 20lb weights and my obliques are getting more defined.  I eat protein bars for dinner and three eggs minimum for breakfast.  I’m nailing down each of my classes effectively, even when I have to admit I don’t know everything the Criminal Investigation guy is talking about.  I’m adjusting my sleep pattern so that I can function effectively, and I spend most of my free time that’s not devoted to homework, (very little of it isn’t) I’m watching films while managing finances while brushing my teeth because I work out six days a week and seem to be more motivated than humanly possible.  My writing has fallen to the side, but it’ll pick back up.

But it doesn’t mean a thing when I’m this damn lonely.

Maybe I’ll write a letter.

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Biting off more than I can chew?

Posted: January 19, 2012 in On Geek
Tags: , ,

Alright.  Went behind the back of my adviser and jumped myself from 16 credits to 18.  I also ditched Bio so that I can still work full time.  Replaced with anthropology and public speaking.  I’m not good at speaking to crowds, so I think that latter class will be the most useful.

I don’t have much to say tonight.  I’ve exhausted myself from being lonely and overdoing it maybe.  A good friend of mine made an accurate  statement when she said “I would suggest taking it easy, but my guess is that would be to no avail.”  I can’t stop.  I tried taking my evening off and shooting things on the computer but that didn’t even work.  My eyes burn and I can’t hardly focus on the page in front of me.  Am I emotionally burned out or just physically?   I don’t know.  I shouldn’t have even bothered saying anything.

I’m pleased to see people flipped over to “Geek Loves You Madly” over the weekend, and rather disappointed in myself for not giving them any content.  I didn’t write any blog entries this weekend, except maybe on Saturday or Friday night, because I was not motivated to do so.  Rather ironic when you think about the fact that this blog is supposed to be used to motivate me.

I wrote nothing in Frosty-A-Go-Go.  I’m probably going to use the rest of this post to yell at myself.  Is that disassociation?  I haven’t a clue.  I aimed for 40,000 words by Sunday and I’m currently at… 27,500.  Lame.

It’s not for lack of trying. I sit down to write and stare at that blank next page and get distracted.  Just lame. Then I get distracted by some game, or balancing finances.  I’m not going at the rate I was.

I think it was the disappointment of Friday.  I was really looking forward to seeing everyone (and if you told me three months ago I’d be disappointed to miss a trip to B-lo, I’d have told you you were out of your goddamn mind). But that’s no excuse really.  I’m trying to get out of where I am right now in life.  School starts again a week from today, alongside a work schedule that will limit my free time considerably. So here’s the plan kiddies.

30,000 by tonight.

35,000 Teusday

40,000 Wednesday

45,000 Thursday

50,000 Friday

Saturday off/limited contribution

60,000 by Sunday.

Hold me to it, ye unsympathetic bastards of yore.

 

That’s how my mind works though. If I hadn’t rambled there, I would have never made that plan.  Thanks wordpress/occasional readers.