Finals Week

Posted: December 13, 2011 in On Geek
Tags: , , ,

Ha!  That last post got inquiring minds to piss off.  It’s not a soap opera, kiddies.

My entire set of core muscles feels beaten up.  Like they do when someone’s sick.  I took something for it finally, but the morning should get rid of the majority of it I hope.  Just handed in my essay on Prostitution charges and took the final for Criminal Law.  I’m going to miss that professor, but he’s got other stuff to do anyway.  Students will come and go and 66 percent will still drop out.  I’ve got to finish my essay on A Doll’s House next.  Minecraft must move over.  Then no more worries until Sociology Final on Thursday.  No work this weekend and nothing to do except wait.

No more worries?  At least with school.  This blog is great for the motivation I’m looking for.  Hell, hopefully I’ll be able to let you know how quitting smoking is going soon.  But it’s creeping in on me more and more every day.  This isn’t just a finals week, it could be the final week.  If Doc never speaks to me again, I won’t blame her.  I don’t deserve a girl of her magnitude and I never did.  I just hope I can’t hurt her anymore.

That’s all I do in relationships.  We have fun and then I end it all with a series of Jackass Selfish Strokes, like a dull serrated edge of a knife grinding through her will to live.  I’m not ready for a relationship because I’m too damn selfish.  I mess everything up so bad, and I can deal with the  pain I cause on myself, or the hurt I’m feeling with stupid workouts and desperate tappings at a keyboard and a pack of smokes over a week.  But I can’t deal with what I did to her.  It hurts me to know I will never get how much I hurt her.  Sorry just isn’t enough.

CCR and this essay, then I’ll just sleep, rinse lather and repeat.

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